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Joke of the Day

"I bought a Valentine's Day card for everyone at our local Tourette's Society. It's the thought that cunts."

"What's the difference between a lentil and a chickpea? I've never paid good money for a lentil on my chest. ( credit to the guy who told this on tv Fri night )"

"Sometimes I make myself feel important by thinking in a British accent."

"Any dog can be a guide dog if you don't care where you're going"

"Jurassic Park Jurassic Park II Jurassic Park III Jurassic Park IIII Jurassic Park IIIII [this fence is taking forever]"

"'I HATE drama!' -Dramatic people"

"What do police and my laundry detergent not have in common? One protects all colors."

"What is a Jewish person's first discount? 10% off the penis."

"Apparently the USA is the biggest contributor to noise pollution in the world My solution: put a silencer in every school"

"You may be able to drive but do you Avocado"