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Joke of the Day

"'I have a baby-sized dick' he said. He wasn't lying. 19 inches, 7.5 lbs."

"My son can now reach the light switches so don't come over my house unless you're really into raves or want to have a seizure."

"What do you call the second-most hated politician in America? Madam President."

"what did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend? He wiped his ass"

"Q: What's the difference between a moose and an ant? A: A moose has antlers, but an ant doesn't have mooselers."

"What did the fish say when he ran into a wall? Dam."

"He orders a beer and a shot of whiskey. A time traveler walks into a bar."

"I wear a French maid's outfit specifically to get OUT of doing housework."

"Did you hear about the gangsta proctologist? Apparently he busted a capillary in someone's ass."

"I love to run. Around the house. Chasing my toddler. Because she took my iced coffee."