202719

Joke of the Day

"Reports are now emerging from Russia that Putin rode the meteorite while shirtless, steering it away from a box of kittens."

"Why did they stop feeding cows the round bails of Hay in Texas? Because they weren't getting a square meal."

"A man drops his watch........ And he notices his dog is about to piss on it. The man says ""Oh no you don't, not on my watch!"""

"What's black and blue and about to hurt someone? Batman thinking about his dead parents."

"A small agency has opened in the UK to sell potential extremists to ISIS. Not surprisingly, business is booming."

"Million dollar idea: an alarm clock that plays Nickelback if you hit snooze."

"I like my women the way I like my wine... 15 years old and locked in my cellar on a rack."

"What does a high school dance have in common with the parking lot at a Keith Urban concert? Lots of bad pickup lines."

"Over the past year my sexual perversions have been getting more perverse. But it wasn't until I spanked a statue that I realized I'd hit rock bottom."

"Luke and Obi-Wan walk into a Chinese restaurant. Ten minutes into the meal, Luke's still having trouble with the chopsticks, dropping food everywhere. Obi-Wan finally snaps, ""Use the forks, Luke."""