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Joke of the Day

"I'm writing a book about how people can free themselves from taking pictures of themselves. It's a selfie-help book."

"A homeless lady agreed to let me take her home I don't understand why she got pissed when I loaded the cardboard box in my pickup truck."

"Refugees do the jobs no one wants to do. Like being a suicide bomber."

"What did Sigmund Freud say when he had an epiphany? Urethra!"

"""What's that in the bag?"" ""An AK-47."" ""No next to that."" ""A bag of cheetos."" ""You can't bring that into the movie."""

"If I got 50p for every time I failed a maths test I'd have about 6.30 by now"

"I don't want to be cremated when I die. I want my body thrown on a group of unsuspecting, cocky teens in a haunted house."

"Me: I'll take 'Marriage' for 800 Alex Alex: Having one wife too many Me: What is bigamy Alex: Nooo. We were looking for, what is monogamy"

"What if the last episode of ""House"" reveals it's all been the dream of a kid with lupus?"

"Why do people call the deceased ""late""? They aren't late.. They aren't coming."