202047

Joke of the Day

"When someone says ""everything happens for a reason,"" I stab them and laugh, just so they know I understand."

"Congrats on your new baby. I remember a night where you drank a fifth of Jim Beam and crapped yourself. Glad you're raising a child now."

"How does Times Square start the new year? By having Mariah Carey drop the ball! ""The audience can sing this one."""

"My friend asked me for some inspiration for a Halloween costume. Apparently ""The Emperor's New Clothes"" was a bad idea."

"My girlfriend's vagina is like a Tesco shopping trolley It takes a pound in."

"I fainted at an Indian restaurant when I found out that R.E.M had split up That's me in the korma."

"Why was the math book sad? It had a lot of problems"

"What's the difference between a school and an ISIS training camp? I don't know, i just fly the drone"

"Women are like computers -- even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later retrieval."

"[ouija board] Spirits im in need of your help O N L Y I F Y O U H E L P U S Sure W T F I S Y O U R W I F I P A S S W O R D"