20182

Joke of the Day

"Who cares if you break a damn mirror. If you think 7 years of bad luck is hell, try breaking a condom."

"Always put sunglasses on your tree. Then, you'll get the proper shade."

"I, put commas, in, weird places, so that, you, read, my tweets, like William, Shatner."

"Suicide book A man goes into a library and asks for a book on suicide. The librarian says; ""Fuck off, you won't bring it back."""

"What do you call a deer with flashlights for eyes? A bright eye deer."

"I said to the shoe salesman - I'd like to return these shoes... They've got holes in them! Shoe Salesman - Hmmmm yes, that certainly seems to be the Crocs of the matter."

"Toys these days That awkward moment when your toys make three movies behind your back. -Andy"

"If you're class of 2020.... then you must have a vision for the future."

"Being married is like playing cards If you don't have a good partner, you better have a good hand."

"I went to an airport the other day. As I was about to catch a plane, I thought ""My dog would be proud."""