20182

Joke of the Day

"Who cares if you break a damn mirror. If you think 7 years of bad luck is hell, try breaking a condom."

"OMG a turtle is coming to kill you, Walk for your life."

"""THIS SUB CAN'T EVEN HANDLE ME RIGHT NOW!!!""-what i just screamed in subway as i spit black olives all over a 7 year old."

"""What do we want?"" ""AIRPLANE NOISES!"" ""When do we want them?"" ""NEEEEOOOWWWWW"" I'm very sorry"

"When I'm on my death bed, I want my last words to be....""I left the diamonds on an Island, look for clues on my Face Book!....."", just to get them to read all the jokes I've posted."

"Did you hear about the man who faked leprosy to get charity handouts? It was a leper con."

"You may think I know fuck nothing ... But let me tell you. I know fuck all."

"I just opened a Capri Sun in the dark, sup ladies"

"pranking neighborhood teens by pulling my car into their driveway & putting a bow on it so they think their parents bought it for them"

"If Earth was a rented apartment, ain't NOOOO WAAAAAY we're getting our security deposit back."