201741

Joke of the Day

"I bought my wife a pair of slippers and a dildo for Christmas... If she doesn't like the slippers she can go fuck herself. - From The Sopranos"

"When somebody asks for directions I just say ""follow your heart"" and drive away."

"I've decided to marry a pencil I can't wait to introduce my parents to my bride 2B"

"[supermarket] *Unpacks 60 items of groceries onto checkout area* CHECKOUT GIRL: I have a boyfriend. ME: Oh, OK. *slowly repacks trolley*"

"How come Jesus could never play for the Blackhawks? Because he's always getting hung up on the boards."

"Just helped a girl give birth... OP delivered."

"What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a lightbulb? You can unscrew a lightbulb"

"I would think you'd have to be open minded... ...to be a brain surgeon."

"Why didn't the tree like to play checkers? Because it was a chesnut tree."

"My corduroy pillow has been making headlines all week."