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Joke of the Day

"When somebody asks for directions I just say ""follow your heart"" and drive away."

"""I can dish it out, but I can't take it."" - Lactose intolerant ice cream man"

"I keep seeing yards with signs supporting Trump But I don't see any walls around them."

"I like my women like my wine, 12 years old and Locked in a cellar Edit: u wot m8 I fixed grammar"

"The world is my oyster. Too expensive to enjoy every day."

"Why is Halloween considered the scariest time of the year? Most weddings happen in June."

"You can just walk into a Blockbuster and take a shit on the floor now. It's not even illegal."

"What did woody and buzz say to your mom? ""Strange to see your toys have the same name as us."""

"I took a bite out of a vegetable the other day... The nurse was pissed"

"A Spanish magician is performing a trick. He says ""I will disappear in Uno, Dos... -"" He vanished without a tres."