201612

Joke of the Day

"I give movies with 2 stars a 5 on Netflix because if I sat through this piece of sh!t, I want you to as well."

"Why don't you sleep with an 90 year old lady..... Have you ever tried to peel a grilled cheese apart?!?"

"Guys I finally came up with a name for our character: Spongebob ""Perfect!"" Thanks ""What's his last name?"" Oh, uh- *looks at pic* Squarepants"

"My wife agreed to a threesome with two girls. She was inexplicably livid when I told her she was neither."

"Why did the chicken walk on the telephone wire? She wanted to lay it on the line!"

"No, those pants don't make you look fatter. I mean, how could they?"

"Why do Native Americans hate snow? Because it's white and settles on their land"

"Have you ever had sex while camping? Its fucking in tents!"

"i blame everything on the illuminati. stale bread? illuminati."

"How to become cool A) Put on sunglasses B)"