201549

Joke of the Day

"Can February March? No. But April May. yep."

"I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months- I don't like to interrupt her."

"[phone rings] Mum: your grandad isn't well. I'm afraid he's on his deathbed Me: well tell him to get in a different bed then"

"What did the hippie say when he was kicked off the couch? Namaste"

"As a kid, I was always scared of the dentist. He was a pedophile. You wouldn't believe the fillings he gave me."

"What do you call God in StarWars? A Skywalker"

"You should go to all your friend's funerals... ...otherwise they won't come to yours. EDIT: NOT MINE, a friend told me this one, he also heard it on the radio but doesn't know which context."

"Why did the Romans build straight roads? So Indians couldn't build corner shops."

"What paint is most popular in modern buildings? Microsoft Paint"

"Let me be clear, I don't want to die alone. However I want to be left completely alone until that moment."