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Joke of the Day

"Show Jumping Some people call it ""Show Jumping"" I like to call it *Sarah Jessica Parkour*"

"Maid of Honor speeches shouldn't end with, ""I'll see you all at her next one."" I know that now."

"Pretended to add my number into this obnoxious guy's phone. All I did was edit his mom's contact. Hope she likes dick pics and booty calls."

"I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol."

"Just became a father last week! My son is a tea fanatic, can you guess his favorite kind? Tit-tea"

"if im being ridiculed online, i will not hesitate to post a photo of a gun. is it my gun? maybe i just googled it. you gonna take that risk?"

"70 year old man asked his wife... Do you feel sad when u see me running behind young girls? Wife: No not at all, even dogs chase cars but they can't drive it."

"What do cannibal parents tell their kids when they become picky eaters? Eat the vegetables"

"Mom writes to her son in Poland's army: ""Dear Son, I am writing this letter ever so slowly..... ....because I know you cannot read fast"""

"A lady got off the train so I finished her crossword. Turns out she'd just gone to the toilet and now she's back and she hates me."