20120

Joke of the Day

"If you had a million dollars and gave away one quarter, and another quarter, and then another quarter, how much would you have left? A million dollars minus 75 cents."

"What should you call someone with a different color of skin than your own? A hue man."

"Why does Santa Claus like to go down the chimney? Because it soots him! Beat that!!"

"Why shouldn't you date a tennis player? Because love means nothing to them!"

"Trump's ego is so big... Trump's ego is so big that when he bangs a super-model, he closes his eyes and imagines he's jerking off. -Seth Macfarlane, CC Roast of Trump"

"4:*calls thing wrong name Me:*corrects him 4:*repeats wrong name Me:*corrects him 4:*maintains eye contact and repeats wrong name slowly"

"How is Christmas like your job? You do all the work and the fat guy in the suit gets all the credit."

"My problem is I take things too literally. Like when my wife said she'd give an arm and a leg to lose weight."

"""Daddy, am I going to die someday?"" ""No, you're the only immortal being in the entire world. Goodnight, stupid."""

"This is your pilot speaking. If you have any requests, please give them to the flight attendant. Anyway, here's Wonderwall."