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Joke of the Day

"Like if you believe in God. Remember he saw you reading this."

"to my friend who was cooking steaks for the first time: you can either make steaks or mis-steaks."

"All my scars & bruises tell a story. The story of a guy who falls down A LOT when he's drunk."

"As an American of Chinese decent, I offered my services to help Trump to build his wall. He replied that he didn't think it would be a good idea for me to build the barrier in my own internment camp."

"What is an alcoholic Mexican's favorite book? Tequila Mockingbird"

"How does a mermaid give a man head? She blows him out of the water"

"If I built a crime fighting robot I'd make his penis the gun. He'd also be programmed to say ""no homo"" before shooting a guy in the face."

"Cool prank: lead 50 pugs to the top of a waterslide & send them down 1 by 1 as the parents waiting at the bottom get increasingly confused"

"What's the difference between me and Jimmy Fallon? I can get through one of his skits without laughing"

"Is a person diagnosed with a Multiple Personality Disorder able to get a group rate from their therapist? Just asking for some friends."