200916

Joke of the Day

"My husband accidentally texted mewting instead of meeting. Now I can't stop picturing a bunch of kittens in a conference room."

"Why are so many Mathematicians vegetarians? Cos Lettuce"

"Oh no sir, that shark wasn't attacking me, my wife was yelling at me from the shore so I was just trying to swim into his mouth."

"It's not enough to get up at 8 am & freeze on the soccer field. One must also scream from the sidelines so everyone knows you care."

"I had a dream I was going to the zoo to throw poop at the monkeys. No, not my own poop, thats just gross. Poop I found on the way to zoo."

"Growing up my girlfriend was called the human calculator... but that's just because 14 year old boys would have her do handstands so they could see her boobies."

"People always ask me why I quit my job as a can crusher... Well it was just soda-pressing!"

"A man walks into a bar He got his penis out and was promptly arrested for public indecency."

"What do you call a short Mexican? A paragraph, because they're too short to be an es'e"

"Wolverine and a lawyer walk into a bar. The bartender says, ""No claws, please!"" They both leave."