200900

Joke of the Day

"wife: as immature as you are, you do do a lot for this family, so thank you me: *giggles* wife: me: wife: ...go ahead me: ""do do"""

"What do you call a black cat than can spring up to a six foot wall ? A good jumpurr !"

"According to my Nike fuel band I masturbated 5 miles today."

"""I like cooking my family and my pets."" Use commas. Don't be a psycho."

"Why did the sperm cross the road? Because the neckbeard put on the wrong pair of socks this morning."

"I used to date a baker... But she was too kneady."

"What is the difference between a Caucasian and an Asian? A Cauc."

"Going to a restaurant alone makes me feel like a dinosaur in Jurassic Park Everyone is just there to watch me eat."

"Funny how I used to see human features in things like electrical sockets, or clouds, or my ex."

"What did Abraham Lincoln say after recovering from a 3-day drinking binge? *""I set* ***who*** *free?""*"