200754

Joke of the Day

"I quit my job and handed in my badge and gun to my boss, he said, why do you have a gun? You work at McDonald's."

"Masturbation comes in handy. Literally"

"I was reading in the paper today about this dwarf that got pick pocketed. How could anyone stoop so low? [Jimmy Carr Jokes](http://thatswhatwedo.iobad.com/post/859629085/jimmy-carr-jokes)"

"What the difference between a pick pocket and a peeping tom? A pick pocket snatches watches"

"I robbed a bank dressed as a frog the other day It was the first time I Kermit-ed a crime"

"[traffic stop] Officer: Ma'am, do you know why I pulled you over? Me: *backseat full of penguins* Um, I'm guessing the aquarium called?"

"What's a math teacher's favorite TV show? Sinefeld"

"ACTORS' TIP: can't afford headshots? run a red light and use the photo they mail you. as a bonus you can add ""driving stunts"" to your resume"

"What was Captain Picard's favorite kind of train? N-Gauge."

"how to know if a thin girl is anorexic? she posts her nudes in bbw subreddits."