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Joke of the Day

"Yo mama so fat she wears a vcr as a beeper."

"What's the difference between a football player and a bank robber? The bank robber says: Give me the money or I will shoot! The football player says: Give me the money or I won't shoot."

"What was James Bond after he slept through an earthquake? Shaken, not stirred."

"""there's only one thing to do when you're Zero Dark Thirsty"" *Navy Seals bust in and toss Bin Laden a Coke Zero, he pounds it in like 5 sec*"

"I have a phobia of over engineered buildings. It's a complex complex complex."

"I'll never forget the day I said ""Ride down this hill"" and became the greatest bobsled coach in Olympic history."

"Why don't you see any slow black people? Because the slow ones are in prison."

"What do robots eat? A bit of this and a byte of that. Courtesy of /u/DabsyGalore here http://www.reddit.com/r/gifs/comments/1dnslv/i_made_a_working_rollercoaster_using_only_canned/c9s630i"

"I've been to Iraq twice and Afghanistan once. Still not as scary as my ex's number popping up on my phone this morning."

"I had a dream about a horse in a suit of armor. Pretty sure it was a knightmare."