200425

Joke of the Day

"If you don't like the idea of wiping someone's ass in the middle of eating a delicious meal, you probably shouldn't become a parent."

"Saw an ad for a used battery in the paper today: ""Slightly rusty, in need of repair but has potential"""

"TIL 90% of statistics are bullshit, including this one."

"(Super Smash Bros. Joke) Why do waiters like a good Marth player? He tips well."

"Sometimes my sense of humour is so dark... ... It picks cotton"

"What did one steak say to another? Nice to meat you"

"My girlfriends father is very religious and says we can't sleep together. Which is really unfortunate because he is extremely good looking."

"u guys like coachella? u know who else was in a desert with people who didn't shower? Moses. hi i'm your new youth pastor Keith"

"I'm through making Alzheimer's jokes guys I just don't know why I liked making them anymore"

"Did you hear about the policeman who arrested the two boys, one who had a battery in possession and the other a firework? He charged one and let the other off."