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Joke of the Day

"My girlfriends father is very religious and says we can't sleep together. Which is really unfortunate because he is extremely good looking."

"I walk around like everything is fine, but deep down...... inside my shoe, my sock is sliding off."

"I'm picking up some really good vibes from this guy... ...because he's not coming with me tonight. :("

"""Can you explain this Gap in your work history?"" Yes that's when I worked for the popular clothing retailer"

"""Buy your individuality!"" - Urban Outfitters"

"I really like chicken ""So, you really like cocks?"" ""No, but your mom does."" ""I'm sorry but she's not a hen..."""

"I saw a dwarf escaping prison yesterday, and as he was climbing down the outer fence he turned and sneered at me. I thought to myself, that's a little condescending."

"My grandfather could never throw anything away... That's why he died in the war holding a hand grenade"

"I used to know a friend who got sent to a mental hospital because he thought he was an orange. Poor Terry...... He got sectioned."

"LASSIE: Arf! What's that girl? Timmy's in the old well? L: Arf arf He's dead? You sure? L: Arf! Okay here's a check for $5K L: ima need cash"