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Joke of the Day

"If aliens are only on the quest for intelligent life, then Earth really has nothing to worry about."

"Our bank manager can't ride a bike any more. Why not? He lost his balance."

"I met a girl last night at a bar... She said she wanted the night to be magical... So i fucked her and disappeared."

"Why did Albert Einstein marry his cousin? Because she was his relative"

"Nine years ago today 19 men came to my doorstep expecting 72 virgins. Little did they know how fucked they were going to be."

"Ronda Rousey should change her name... To Sasha Grey, because her ass got wrecked."

"What did the potato name his son? Chip. Sorry."

"How do you get an art major off your front porch? Pay for the pizza!"

"Relationship status: the doorbell rings, my heart is pounding, it's the pizza delivery guy. Three-cheese, double toppings, thick crust."

"A blond girl turns on the radio and hears that 2 Brazilian men were killed As she starts to cry she asks ""How many is a Brazilian?"""