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Joke of the Day

"Are Smurfs just a bunch of midget Avatars? #yeahimhigh"

"I recently got crushed by a pile of books, but I suppose I have only my shelf to blame."

"Bet the wife $50 That she couldn't make me happy and sad with the same sentence. She said I was much better in bed than my brother."

"Me winding up as the last man on earth is an unlikely scenario, but an awful lot of women seem to have already thought it through."

"Why does Trump wear a hairpiece? Because he thought the kids on the roller coaster were making fun of him when they shouted ""Donald, duck!"" Yep."

"Why do black men love pirate porn? Because of all the booty"

"I'm so poor... I can't even **pay** attention"

"BOSS: Ok so far so good. But before we finish the interview I'm gonna have you take a typing test. LOBSTER: *looking down at claws* Shit"

"What do you call someone who really loves breakfast? A cereal killer."

"Do let me know if you're ever unhappy with any of my Tweets. I will block you immediately. Anything to stop you being sad. You're welcome :)"