19994

Joke of the Day

"[Me and coworker going for the last piece of cake] You'd better ask yourself if you can type with one hand, Nancy from Accounting."

"I have a very particular set of skills, skills I acquired over a long career. Skills that - ugh hold on *covers phone* MOM I'M ON THE PHONE!"

"The best way to return any clothing left at your place is to do a drive-by with a t-shirt gun on her wedding day."

"I don't trust stairs They're always up to something..."

"Bending over in a short skirt will probably get me further than my expensive education ever will."

"My Muslim coworker brought a CD version of the Quran to work today. He got really pissed off when I asked if I could burn a copy."

"I get scared visiting the ghetto on Google street view."

"How do mesquite trees get taller? They stand on their mesqui-toes!"

"Torque is like drugs It makes everything spin around."

"What do you call a row of boxers-in-training? A shitty punch line."