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Joke of the Day

"If you believe that no great story ever started with someone eating a salad, then you're using the wrong kind of mushrooms."

"He pasta way? Here today, gone tomato. You cannoli do so much before thyme is up. Never sausage a tragedy. Olive my thoughts are with you."

"Everyone has at least one friend who treats their Facebook status like their therapist."

"If you got on a bus with a bunch of gay guys would you stay on or would you get off?"

"The Past, Present, and Future walk into a bar. It was tense."

"Do u know whats A B C D E F G? A Boy Can Do Everything For Girl Now reverse da order, can u guess the full form of: G F E D C B A ? Girls Forgets Everything Done & Catches(new) Boy Again."

"I hate whales I was out at sea and a whale almost destroyed my ship, a crewmember said that whale collisions where common in that area. But I'm positive that whale hit my ship on porpus."

"""Grab a Pop Tart!"" I tell my kids as I'm mixing up the dogs' breakfasts of organic, grain-free dog food with Greek yogurt and $85 vitamins."

"Me: Dishonor on you! Dishonor on your family! Dishonor on your house! Olive Garden server: Please stop! I'll bring more cheese to grate!"

"The Great Gatsby was so unrealistic. So many people at those huge parties and not once did anyone ask for the wifi password."