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Joke of the Day

"I was going to be a quarterback for Halloween at work... ...but my boss said we couldn't be anything offensive."

"Why does America use Mexicans to pick our oranges? As we saw on Tuesday, it takes 1/2 of America to pick an Orange."

"She is not my reword, I am her punishment."

"I lovingly caress my belly. ""You're expecting?"" a woman asks. I smile serenely. ""Just ate an amazing burrito,"" I tell her."

"*hitler leans in close to the mic* and the next person to question me gets executioned *grammar nazi bites lip*"

"What did the egg play in the movie? The egg-stra."

"If a deaf person goes to court, is it still a hearing?"

"What was Hitler's amplifier called? Mein Ampf"

"MISSING: Black and white cat with red collar. Very, very intelligent. Mittens, if you're reading this, please come home......."

"Me: You bought 6 bottles of carpet cleaning solution? Wife: Yes. Me: We have hard wood floors. Wife: I had a coupon that was expiring today!"