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Joke of the Day

"YOU KNOW THE FUCKING DIFFERENCE BETWEEN PAUL WALKER AND MY COMPUTER? I ACTUALLY GIVE A FUCK WHEN MY COMPUTER CRASHES."

"Stop saying I'm my own worst enemy. My worst enemy is Johan, from the stables; I want him dismissed, but he's curried such favor with father"

"What's brown and rhymes with snoop? Dr. Dre"

"My girlfriend killed my cat She claims that she is the only pussy I need."

"What is in a virgin candy bar? Cherries and nuts"

"I'm currently writing a musical about diggers trapped in a mine. I think it's gonna be in the key of A-flat minor."

"What language do bees speak? The beesnese"

"""911 what's your emergency"" IM DYING ""what happened"" I GOT STABBED LIKE 3 TIMES ""lol pics or didn't happen"""

"Sometimes if I trip on a crack I act like it's no biggie by breaking into a jog and don't stop until I'm in a new city with a new life."

"I am a Amish man with no access to the internet, AMA Did you even read the title?"