199237

Joke of the Day

"My kitchen drawer was stuck but my husband got it open. I guess all it needed was a big jerk."

"I got into a fight with my boner this morning: Don't worry, I beat it single handedly"

"Ay girl, are you a Pokemon? Because I wanna take a Pikachu."

"I went to a psychic today. Ended up accidentally breaking her crystal ball. It cost me a fortune."

"*12 pulls a gray hair out of my head* M: Wow, look at that! 12: Hang on. There's A LOT more! M: 12: Can I get paid for pulling these out?"

"How many republicans does it take so screw in a light bulb? None, Obama's already screwed it for you. (Thanks, Obama)"

"(Neighbor, curious): What's wrong with little Timmy? (Mom, sad): He went to Jared."

"What does Hillary Clinton call a Trump supporting turtle warming itself in the sun? A basking deplorable"

"Do you know that opening windows make the wifi slower. It's because the wifi signal goes out the window."

"So I got a phone call from the post office today... ...complaining that my dog is attacking a postman on a bike. But I told them ""It can't be my dog... he doesn't even know how to ride a bike""."