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Joke of the Day

"how do I keep my skin looking so young? it's all thanks to [turns to camera smiling] an ancient curse [locusts pour from my mouth & eyes]"

"Why did the gray whale go on a diet? Because he wasn't a Fin whale!"

"I want the Cowboys to come to my funeral so they can let me down one last time!! (Shots fired)"

"What pier is disliked by almost everybody? Piers Morgan."

"What does Rolf Harris like to play with on the piano? A minor."

"How do you find Will Smith in a snow storm? You follow his FRESH PRINTS!"

"My wife and I are walking through Central Park and pointing out all of the places that we remember seeing dead bodies on Law & Order."

"We should let prisoners take their own mug shots...I shall call it ""The cellfie"""

"Shaving with a straight razor takes a lot of courage. I used to shave my privates with one But I don't have the balls to do that anymore."

"I went to a party dressed as a loaf of bread. The birds were all over me."