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Joke of the Day
"Lady and the Tramp spaghetti scene except it's me throat punching you for trying to eat my food."
Next Joke
"A Post-It note on every wine bottle at home that just says DON'T CUT YOUR HAIR AGAIN THAT WAS BAD"
"A neutron walks into a bar. The neutron asks ""how much for a drink?"" The bartender replies ""For you, no charge."""
"Removing her clothes"
"What is the most dishonest fish in the ocean? A lionfish"
"What was the favorite food of the thrifty Italian who loved contractions? A pasta free."
"Living in Switzerland sucks but the flag is a big plus."
"[date slides her top down her shoulder to show me a scar] I got this surfing [I show her my grotesque balls] I was born like this I think"
"Fact: Bernie Sanders won't release his birth certificate because it proves that when he was born he was already a 74-year-old man"
"There was a massive explosion at a French cheese factory this morning... All that remains is de brie."