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Joke of the Day

"Nurse finds a rectal thermometer in her pocket..., Thinks to herself. ""Well, some asshole's got my pen."" Another you say? What's the difference between rectal and oral thermometers. Taste."

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"Harry Potter fans: I wanna go to Hogwarts. Narnia fans: I wanna go to Narnia. Hunger Games fans: Nope I'm good.."
"Why did all the native people move out East? Because there is no work out there."
"Who wins between a black guy and a fencing champion? Black guy, because nword is mightier than sword."
"HR: The delivery job is yours. Me: Great! HR: Do u have a reliable car? Me: Yes. HR: Model? Me: A little in college. How is that relevant?"
"What is smaller than a teeny weenie fly? A fly's teeny weenie."
"Which Asians have the softest skin? Laotians"
"Just got banned from B&Q, some dickhead in an orange apron came up to me and asked if I wanted decking!! Lucky I got the first punch in."
"They say the music you listen too is tied to your personality;I listen to Chris Brown. Two counts of assault and one hit and run."
"Don't believe in aliens, huh? Explain how people in the 1800s got on top of those bicycles with the huge front wheels."