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Joke of the Day

"""Ooh fun, I have an email!"" - me, forgetting about the email I sent myself NOT ONE SECOND AGO"

"I've decided to start a new line of 'extra-shatter' measuring sticks. Because rulers were made to be broken."

"I'm 40 and my girlfriend is 20. We were at a bar tonight and people kept giving us dirty looks. Totally ruined our 10th anniversary."

"A man comes home to find his wife in bed with his best friend, he immediately picks up his gun and shoots the wife He gives the dog a second chance though"

"What's Beethoven up to these days? Decomposing"

"I'm vegan until my next paycheck."

"Lebron James quits basketball to become an actor And he's taking his talents to Hollywood"

"I'm thinking about becoming a devil worshipper Just for the hell of it"

"No one is ever able to catch me. What country do I live? Iran"

"What do you get when you cross a donkey and a piece of onion? A piece of ass that will bring a tear in your eyes."