198347

Joke of the Day

"Did you guys hear about the football player who hits women? No the other one. No the other one."

"It only took me one drink to get drunk... I just can't remember if it was the seventh or the eighth (George Burns)"

"Q: What does a 75-year-old woman have between her breasts that a 25-year-old doesn't? A: Her navel."

"How in the hell do people spell your name wrong on facebook when it's right in front of them?!"

"I'd make a horrible movie murder victim.When I hear strange noises in the night I roll over and figure, eh, they'll work themselves out."

"When stoves die... they go to hoven. I'm^so^sorry"

"Use chemicals to remove polish and no one bats an eye, Use chemicals to remove the Polish and you're literally Hitler."

"Where did Abdelhamid Abaaoud do most of his craft shopping? Wahabi Lobby."

"How do you sink a Swedish submarine? Knock on the hatch."

"The First rule of Chuck Norris is: you do not talk about Chuck Norris."