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Joke of the Day

"I have 70 hobbies and they all smell the same. They are 69'ing and fishing"

"I don't know how to spell Armaggedon But who cares - it's not the end of the world!"

"Science teacher: What happened when electricity was first discovered? Fred: Someone got a nasty shock."

"Friend: How many calories does heartache burn? Me: Depends on how many calories are in the person you are setting on fire."

"Why did the hipster only listen to dead musicians? So he could say he listened to them when they were underground."

"What is today's special at Google's employee cafeteria? Alphabet Soup."

"Boss: Where'd you go?? Me: I got all the way up front and realized I forgot my pen. Boss: Okay? Me: So I went to lunch."

"I honestly have allergies and dry skin this time of year, but it never looks good for a dude to have tissues & lotion on his desk."

"What's six inches long, two inches wide, and drives women wild? Money."

"Rectal Myopia Calling into work: ""I'm going to be out today with rectal myopia."" ""What's that?"" ""I just can't see my ass coming in."""