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Joke of the Day

"Are you a power tool? Because i'd really like you to screw my holes *Pickup line a woman should use*"

"[3 dads circling new neighbor on their bikes] ""im not looking for any trouble"" all three dads in unison: HI NOT LOOKING FOR TROUBLE IM DAD"

"Drug commercial just listed ""death"" as a possible side affect. Seems totally legit. Ask your doctor if possible death is right for you.."

"Lenin, Hitler, and Stalin were in a plane crash. Who was saved? The Russian people"

"My wife said that if I lose my job, she's divorcing me. So I need suggestions here, people. What are some terminable offenses these days?"

"Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer is my favorite story about how you will get treated like shit until you have something someone else needs"

"What's a pirate's favorite workout program? Pirates (pronounced like pilates)"

"What does a mentally challenged Time Lord use for travel? A retardis."

"What do you call nondeterministically scrambled Crunk? White and black noise."

"There's a new movie coming out about people who take a long time to orgasm... It hasn't released yet."