19777
Joke of the Day
"LPT: If you're cold, try standing in a corner. They are usually about 90"
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"sometimes i sleep naked just in case leonardo dicaprio breaks in and wants to charcoal sketch me"
"Nothing makes me turn off my car and start leisurely tweeting faster than someone honking at me to pull out of a parking space."
"Wish a poltergeist would move in so there'd be someone else to blame when I lose my shit."
"Teacher: ""What did the Indians bring to the first Thanksgiving?"" Student: ""Baseballs."" Teacher: ""Baseballs?"" Student: ""Yeah they were Cleveland Indians!"""
"I am trying to get some help for my PTSD... But it always seems to be one flash forward and then two flashbacks."
"A guy asks a librarian if she has a book about Pavlov's dogs and Schrodinger's cat She says, ""It rings a bell but I can't be certain."""
"My kid is almost old enough for social media, so we'll need to have ""the talk"" soon. You know, about your/you're and there/their/they're."
"Cop: Sir, you can't use hand-held communication devices while driving Me: [trying to hide ouija board] What are you talking about?"
"There are 10 kinds of people in the world Those who understand Hexadecimal, and F the rest"