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Joke of the Day

"This is your brain. *holds up a brain* And this is your brain on drugs. *holds up a brain wearing a weird hat and a scarf*"

"One time dad asked what my five-year plan was, and I said ""death or becoming a pirate king"" and he threw my cat Alan at me"

"Cop: You look pretty beat up, how many attackers did you say there was? [flashback to me showing the cat my nunchuk skills] Me: Easily 10"

"I hope the last season of ""Lost"" will finally reveal if Jar Jar Binks wears boxers or briefs."

"Why did the EU start downloading random stuff to it's computer? It had freed up one GB of space."

"Bird pokemon must live in mexico because today a local pointed at me and said pinche joto. (The j has an h sound dummy)"

"My handicapped girlfriend claimed she could arouse me at any moment but it's hard when she can't move an inch"

"How do you know which pepper in the garden is the nosiest? ... it's the one that's jalapeno business!!!"

"Why do hunters make better lovers? - They penetrate deep into the bush... - They shoot at least twice... - They eat what they shoot..."

"If God wanted us to save money for retirement he wouldn't have invented online shopping"