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Joke of the Day

"Why don't you invite a Comcast worker to your party? Because nobody likes his company!"

"cut a hole in the bottom of my tub of popcorn while on a date so when she goes for some she accidentally grabs a copy of my mixtape"

"**What's the difference between eating pizza and eating pussy?** The crust on a pizza tastes good"

"Goldman Sachs is trimming bonuses. Conan O'Brien's payout is only $32 million. Anyone know where we can text-message our donations?"

"My neighbor started mowing his yard at 6am so I opened all my windows and vacuumed because I don't understand how revenge works."

"*painting your nails* one hand : perfect. other hand : looks like a blind cat did it."

"What does a cannibal do after he dumps his girlfriend? Wipes his ass."

"The average American male has a 5"" penis, but the average American male says he has 7"". Brendan would say that is the same thing... perfect."

"Listen guys, I know this sub is all in good fun, but I don't think it's right to be making dumb jokes about obese people. They already have enough on their plates."

"Q: How many software engineers does it take to change a light bulb? A: None, that's a hardware problem."