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Joke of the Day

"*knocks on door* You're too fat. ""Wha--"" You're way too dumb. ""Wait--who.."" Hi, I'm Roy. I sell insecurity systems. You're too poor for one."

"My dick is like news... ...because it passes from mouth to mouth."

"Life is like a silent fart Pfft."

"Dirty funny What do you get when there are two nuts on a wall? Walnuts. What do you get with two nuts on your chest? Chestnuts. What do you get with two nuts on your chin? A Dick in your mouth."

"Start reading to your kids as early as possible. I start around 2:30 a.m."

"I made a movie about freezing time I showed it to some people, but they thought it was just a picture. It's 3 hours and 27 minutes long...if you don't pause"

"What does the zero say to the eight? I like your belt. Ok, ok. I know it's elementary, but I still love it."

"What do you call a nose without a body? Nobody knows."

"WHY *smack* DON'T *smack* YOU *smack* JUST *smack* USE *smack* THE *smack* RETWEET *smack* BUTTON?"

"Why was the Sun mad at all the clouds? Because they kept throwin shade"