196723

Joke of the Day

"Dinosaurs probably spelled Tuesday, 'Ptuesday'"

"How many surrealists does it take to change a lightbult? To get to the other side."

"Did you hear about the zygote that joined the army? I heard he was diploid. (I'll show myself out...)"

"Canadians leaving south for vacation are like Americans escaping marriage, desperately trying to escape frigid temperatures..."

"Go to Starbucks. Tell them your name is Dad. Hide in the crowd. Listen as the hipster barista says ""Dad?..Dad?..DAD?..DAD?!"" & starts crying"

"Why do we PARK on a DRIVEway, but my mom's boyfriend Craig won't let me call him Dad when we hug?"

"I was walking thru the graveyard the other morning... Saw a guy kneeling behind a headstone. I walked up to him and greeted him ""Morning!"" He replied, ""Nah, I'm just taking a shit"""

"me: Dave's coming over wife: Nice Dave or Dave who picked a fight with a kid named Cancer? *Dave walks in wearing an ""I Beat Cancer"" shirt*"

"My son likes to kick things. He really needs a dog or a wife."

"The spider I just killed with a napkin isn't in the napkin, and now I'm in a circle of salt reciting incantations."