196535

Joke of the Day

"IRONMAN 3 SPOILER ALERT: Tony's all ""pffsh whatever I'm Ironman"" then he's all ""JARVIS HELP"" then he's sad but then it's like whaaaaat."

"Who's in charge of all the liquid measurements? The liter."

"China has revised its on child per family rule. It will now allow parents to have two children. Chinese parents were so excited, they let their kids have the day off work. Edit: Spelling is hard."

"My Thanksgiving, in math &radic;-1 &mdash;&mdash; &nbsp; 8"

"An old man was asking God: ""God, how much time do I have until I'll die?"" And God answered: ""Nine."" ""God, is that you? What do you mean? Nine months? Nine years?"" ""Eight, seven, six..."""

"What would To Kill a Mockingbird be called if Harper Lee was an alcoholic? Tequila Mockingbird."

"Me: My computer broke IT guy: What have you tried so far? Me: Everything IT guy: Me: I shook the mouse a few times and did some swearing"

"Why did the chicken get an ouija board? To contact those who had crossed over to the other side."

"Last night a horse asked me if I was planning on driving home. There might've been a cop on top of it."

"A pirate crew is fleeing from a whaling ship One pirate swabbie asks, ""This be the whaling ship driven by the wench with two vaginas?"" The pirate says, ""Aye, we best be wary of har poons."""