19652

Joke of the Day

"DATE: *sighs* You said you were a professional body builder. ME: I am! I make prosthetics. Ha ha! And funny jokes! Wait where are you going?"

"Here's how pessimism works. It never works."

"I don't know what's longer: a microwave minute or a treadmill minute..."

"Clothes are such a fraught gift because it's like: ""Here's the size and shape I think you are and so how I think you should style yourself!"""

"How do you say dinner in spanish? JOHN CENA"

"Sometimes, late at night, I'll look up at the stars and wonder if you're also stealing lawn furniture."

"What do you call a gaping hole in your chest that smells like fish? VAGINA PECTORIS!"

"Bill Clinton is not a rapist. He just likes to ""feel your pain""."

"What's the only way a Trumpie can get hard? Freezing to death."

"my friend's apartment building burned down so he's at his parents' and he still won't hang out with me. HOW MANY MORE FIRES DO I NEED TO SET"