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Joke of the Day

"Granny knot, surgeon's knot, hangman's knot, square knot. I can't do them, but my headphones sure fucking can."

"I think instead of ""LOL""....I'm gonna go with ""SALTS"" (Smiled a little then stopped). Its more truthful."

"If Dairy Queen and Burger King had a baby, what do you call it? Restaurants can't have sex you moron."

"Hey person who wrote ""WASH ME"" on my car, I know it wasn't my car that wrote that. My car doesn't speak English. I'm onto you."

"Did you hear about the secret cure for everything that the government doesn't want us to know about? Exactly..."

"Why did the tin man go to hell? Because he's a sinner."

"CASHIER: would you like to donate one dollar to charity? ME: no thank you SATAN (sitting on a throne made of human skulls): excellent choice"

"What do you get when you cross peanuts and almonds? Deez Nutz"

"The reason I don't like Facebook's ""memories"" feature is because it shows me 6 years ago wearing the same shirt I have on right now."

"How many cops does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None. They just beat the room for being black."