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Joke of the Day

"Apparently beer contains female hormones. After you drink enough, you can neither drive nor shut the hell up."

"ID is a funny abbreviation. The I stands for I and D strands for dentification. -Norm Macdonald"

"What do you call a crazy train A loco-motive"

"Why didn't Count Dracula get married? He wanted to remain a bat-chelor."

"""Scored 4, 10 year ago"" That's pretty much all I can remember from Clinton's Getting Interns Address. - Happy Presidents Day."

"I accidentally opened the fitness app on my phone for the first time ever. It just began pointing at me & laughing."

"HER: this isn't working out ME: is it because I'm too literal? HER: I just don't want to see you any more ME: ok *gently closes her eyes*"

"A guy who doesn't believe in global warming is swimming in Egypt... He's in de-nile"

"A voice in the back of my head keeps telling me... That the doctor's fucked up my mouth surgery."

"Dad: Whadya got there son? Son: Soy milk. Dad: Hola milk, soy tu padre."