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Joke of the Day

"I was so ugly when I was born... ...the doctor slapped my mother."

"I had a sudden, albeit extremely belated, realization about Jared from Subway His career ended the way it began: trying to get into smaller pants."

"100% of murder victims who responded to the survey really freaked us out."

"I can give you the reason for anaphylactic shock in a nutshell."

"What did Barack say to Michelle when he proposed? I don't want to be Obama self."

"I wrote a book about Homeopathy.... I named it 1001 uses of Alcohol."

"Being romantic as an awkward mathematician is hard... I called my girlfriend 1/cos(c) to try and compliment her but I don't think she caught my drift. Can't blame her though, that's a triggy one."

"'Forget everything you learned in college. You won't need it working here.' 'But I never went to college.' 'Well then, I'm sorry. You are underqualified to work here.'"

"Apparently, the correct reply to ""Where've you been it's 3am, you're drunk & have lipstick on your collar"" is not ""You're next, fatty!"""

"What song does a car radio play? A cartoon (car tune)."