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Joke of the Day

"The worst part of locking your keys in your car What's the worst part of locking your keys in the car by the abortion clinic? Having to go inside and ask to borrow a coat hanger"

"What did Santa say to the three prostitutes? (Pointing to each in turn) Ho! Ho! Ho!"

"I love walking around the house naked. Damn neighbors keep complaining. They think I should do it in the house."

"Wife: y is a penguin w an umbrella in the- Me:*points to dog dressed as batman* so Bark Wayne isnt bored W: M: he needs an arch enemy, Karen"

"Every girl I bring home is unemployed, drunk and on drugs. I'm starting to think that whole ""opposites attract"" thing is bullshit."

"what type of music does a balloon hate? Pop music"

"Why do you never make fun of a fat girl with a lisp? She's probably thick and tired of it."

"People who say ""seriously, another one?"" after your 3rd slice of pizza are not people you need in your life."

"We need to stop ISIS. Then we can call them WASWAS."

"I wont play GI Joes with my nephew until he learns to play it right. He's 4 years old, he should know better than to drag Vader into this."