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Joke of the Day

"A girl once asked me if she was fat I told her that she was beautiful. In fact, she could model in a summer swimsuit catalog if she wanted. I hear they're casting for beach balls."

"My sister won a horse pulling contest She went so fast she nearly fell off her stool."

"Did you hear about the Homeopath who forgot to take his medication? He died of overdose"

"I judge every book by its cover: ""Too smart for me"" is what I say and then look at Twitter on my phone."

"I always forget the name Lance is short for ""Ambulance"""

"Thinking of starting a website that auto-tweets when you j/o. ""I'm the mayor of MY GARAGE on JERKSQUARE."""

"So a guy walks into a bar with a gun... Who had sex with my wife!!? A man shouts from the back, *you don't have enough bullets bro*!"

"Henry IV got injured while bowling. One could say that he, Bolingbroke, while bowling, broke."

"Eventually, some poor astronaut is going to crash into all that Star Wars writing"

"When I die, I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did-in his sleep Not screaming like the passengers in his car."