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Joke of the Day

"Why can't the homeless ever get by in America? because there's no chaaaannggggeeeee"

"Grocery store just charged me $0.10 to offset the environmental impact of my bag and then gave me a paper receipt 3 feet long."

"What drink can wrongly convict a black man? Tequila Mockingbird"

"I love when I'm walking closely behind a girl and she starts to speed walk away. It's like she knew I wanted to race all along."

"Played an organ for the first time today I really enjoyed it, but my patient didn't."

"What does a gay horse eat? Haaaaaaaaayyyyy! Sounds better with a stereotypical SOA biker voice. I'll show myself out."

"He died doing what he loved, forgetting to put my potato wedges in the bag."

"Just signed up for free HBO, but the terms and conditions were so steep I think I also agreed to carry Steve Buscemi's baby."

"You know how sometimes you destroy your house & instead of cleaning you're like ""Screw it let's just move?"" That's why we're exploring space"

"Having sex in an elevator is wrong on so many levels."