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Joke of the Day

"I had to use a rotary phone to try to get concert tickets so don't you tell me Ticket Master online is taking too long"

"What is it called when you are arrested for drunk driving and you extremely regret it? DU-WHY?!"

"Why did cavemen pull their women around by their hair? Because if they had pulled them by their feet they would have filled up with mud"

"Poker Face. But I barely know her!"

"Before I had a kid I thought, god, I wish I could say ""please put your shoes on"" 17,000 times every morning. My dreams have come true."

"You can blame those ""meddling kids"" all you want. But let's face it. Your entire plan was to dress up like a ghost."

"I like work. It fascinates me. I sit and look at it for hours."

"They should make fortune cookies with more obtainable fortunes: You will vacuum the living room. You will run into the coffee table."

"I hate spiders ...but I respect the Daddy Long Leg. The Daddy Long Leg has a very special ability, the ability to make ANY man, regardless of age, say the word daddy."

"What did one tampon say to the other? Nothing they are both stuck up bitches."