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Joke of the Day
"I tested positive for optimism."
Next Joke
"Kudos to Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie! They really went out of their way to make their adoptive African children feel like a part of an authentic American family by getting a divorce."
"What's your best math/science pick up line?"
"Your password doesn't remember you either. He moved on. He's someone else's password now."
"Two guys were fighting with guns... Two guys were fighting with guns. Then one of them died laughing very heartily. Why? Because the bullet hit his armpit. (told to me by my son)"
"I got stuck in a shop the other day... ... because when I went to walk outside there was a sign saying the street was closed."
"Hey, maybe one time we could make a sitcom where the husband is out of the wife's league and the wife says stupid shit all the time."
"Boxers Last night as I was sitting on the edge of the bed gently pulling off my boxers, the wife said, ""You spoil those dogs!"""
"Ask a girl if she wants to dance. If she says yes then start shooting at her feet. Congratulations you are now Yosemite Sam"
"What do Waitresses and Chemists have in common? They both need to check the table periodically..."