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Joke of the Day

"Bad enough that literally no one showed up for my Super Bowl party today, but now I can't even find the game on tv to watch."

"If you are what you eat Then I'm a big pussy and my wife is a dick"

"What did the elephant say to the naked man? How do you breath out of that tiny thing?"

"Most populated places in the world: 1. China 2. India 3. United States 4. Indonesia 5. Friend Zone 6. Hell"

"Whats up? My dick."

"[me narrating a documentary on urchins] ""look at these boring moist porcupines"""

"What was Hitler's amplifier called? Mein Ampf"

"Hooker says $500. I say $50. She walks away. Later, I'm walking with my wife, same hooker sees me and says, I see what you got for $50."

"How do you impress a baker when you're taking his daughter on a date? Bring her flours"

"I find it hard to explain stuff to kleptomaniacs. They take things literally!"