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Joke of the Day

"If I ever win the lottery, I'm going to share it with everyone. Not the money, just going to let you know that I've won."

"Some people are like prawn. No guts, no spine, and a head full of shit."

"It's with great tragedy that I report my blonde next door neighbour tried to kill her toy poodle. She tried putting batteries in it."

"What's the difference between Mexicans and Jesus? Jesus didn't have tattoos of Mexicans all over *his* body"

"How do remove a bunch of drunk Canadians from the pool? You ask them to leave."

"I can't find the thing that I fuck every day, so I asked the kids.... Apparently the dog died two days ago."

"[at goverment office] hi yes um.. my social security number isnt workimg. i've never once felt secure in a social situation"

"If you jumped off a bridge in Paris You'd be In seine"

"What do you call it when you lobotomize a bunch of terrorists? Simplifiying Radicals. (MATH joke)"

"TIL Chicago is the #1 supporter of Latin women. They always yell: Go Chica! Go!"